Road to a 16 Seed: Win or Lose... a tooth
- Chris OBrien
- Mar 30
- 4 min read
By: Chris O'Brien
By far, the northernmost school in the Midwest Conference is BCU, Borderline Canada University.
BCU is located in beautiful - albeit freezing - International Falls, Minnesota. Literally shares a border with Ontario, Canada. While the BCU hockey team consistently finishes near the top of the conference, the men's basketball team, well, let's just say the only thing colder than the weather up here is their shooting percentage. No one puts up more bricks than this team. They went an entire month this year without a 3-pointer. Past three years, the Loons have started 0-15 each season. And last year, they only won two games.
Despite these poor results, the head basketball coach was never on any sort of hot seat other than the heated seat in his 2009 Jeep Grand Cherokee. Coaches (and students) have a pretty long leash up here, because the university president is famously non-confrontational. "I'm a third and fourth chance kinda guy," he once told the school newspaper. This was after no one would confess to cutting down the school Christmas tree.
But a few weeks ago, the head basketball coach called it quits. Ironically, to become a bricklayer. The timing couldn't have been worse, as the Loons were traveling for their final non-conference game of the season against the Minnesota Golden Gophers. It was not gonna be pretty. The BCU president scrambled and named Jack Malone, the hockey coach, as interim head basketball coach.
"We have nets, they have nets," Malone said at his introductory press conference. "I'll pick it up quick. End of the day, you just gotta put the best six guys on the court and fight like hell for all three periods."
And fight like hell they did. You might've seen this highlight on Sportscenter; there was that big elbow to the face of the Minnesota star player, knocked his two front teeth right out. Day before Christmas, too. It was a wildly physical game but a much closer result than anyone expected. Minnesota defeated BCU, 49-36.
This launched one of the most unique streaks in all of college basketball. Ten games in a row, a BCU player has either lost a tooth or caused an opposing player to lose a tooth. Coach wasn't adjusting his style to basketball; he was bringing hockey to the hardwood. His substitutions were entire line shifts. He kept the tallest guy by one baskets all game on permanent defense. Even constructed boards around the court to add a "checking" element.
"Actually talked to our president about puttin' a layer of ice on the court," Malone said. "He told me he'd think about it."
"I'm pretty sure he was joking," the BCU president said. He looked over at his assistant. "He was joking, right?"
Malone is now 6-4 as the interim basketball coach, and while he hasn't solved the team’s shooting woes (BCU is shooting just 24 percent), there is no team harder to score on in the conference. And no team who impacts their opponents’ smiles more, either.
I tell ya what, the home fans are absolutely loving it up here in International Falls. Last night was the biggest test of the conference season. Hawkins State (IN) rolled into town on a six-game winning streak. The arena was totally sold out. Elbow to elbow. Fans pounding the plexiglass around the court.
Denise Dawson, DDS, Owner of Denise Dental, is an energetic self-promoter who never misses a good promotional opportunity. She coined last night’s game "Tooth Fairy Night" and offered all fans 10 percent off their next visit if a tooth was knocked out during the game. She also encouraged families to bring their kids with loose teeth down to the court at halftime. She set up a makeshift door, ran some string from the doorknob, and 600 people roared each time a tooth was yanked out. The president was visibly anxious during these festivities, with a "someone should probably put an end to this" look on his face.
"Talk about energy," Denise said. "Did you hear that arena tonight? You see all those beautiful smiles? Heck, I think Coach Malone should coach the baseball team, too. I'm ready for it. Check this out. Root, root, root for the root canal! If you don't floss, that's a shame. For it's one, two, three teeth fall out at the ol' ball game!"
As for the actual game, that was a different story. BCU got into foul trouble early -- well, earlier than normal. Hawkins ended up shooting 40 free throws.
Final score, Hawkins: 66, BCU: 51.
Teeth lost: 0
"Felt like the only thing missing tonight were ice skates," Hawkins Head Coach Steve Hopper said. "Told my guys, make sure you wear a mouthguard, make your free throws, and make sure you have dental insurance."
The BCU Loons will be on the road all next week, and it's widely believed the president will order the boards to be removed... once coach Malone is out of town.
And if anyone has tips on where the campus Christmas tree ended up, you can text GRINCH to the anonymous hotline listed below. Go Loons!
You can read more from this "Book in Progress" currently titled "Road to a 16 Seed."
Other chapters include:
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